95% official

Its about 95% official that Jeff will be moving to Texas for work. Its 100% official that I got into to the Vet. Tec. program at Maple Woods so I won't be going with him to Texas. We spent a lot of time talking about our options and for us, right now, we don't want to officially leave Kansas City. We have too many good things here for us like our friends, my job, our home. This is our city. Jeff & I love KC and we believe that this is the time for a little adjustments so we can stay in KC.  Some might think that "you 2 are married, you're supposed to go together" but for us, we are both giving  up things so we think about ouryfuture. With Jeff's job traveling is part of the deal & we would rather him travel now with no munchkins so that we can stay close to our family & our friends in the future.  And then there's me. The tech program only takes 27 out of the 80+ people that apply. Its sort of special that I made the cut. I can't be a receptionist forever. So during this time, I'm going to study & hold down the home fort while Jefferson works his ass off in Texas. We'll talk, skype, text, daily. Me and abbers could make a road trip to Texas. Jeff can fly home. It will be like dating again. We dated 3 years living 3 hours away from each other. I would like to think that after 4 crazy years of marriage we can make it over another hurdle.  Marriage is hard & life is always surpising us. Plans we make never turn out like we expected but that's what keeps me trusting in God & Jeff. I know that God is good and I trust that Jeff has me in mind.  We'll take what cards we're dealt & make the  most of it. 

It's been far too long

Since the last post, I almost thought "to hell with it" and deleted this blog because really an adoption story has some long boring parts.  This is one of them.

Right now we are still looking through profiles and case workers are looking at ours. We've requested information on some kids but that doesn't really mean anything.  

Life is throwing some curve balls at me and if you know me you know that I am a planner. I have this ever growing time line in my head of when I expect things to be started and accomplished.  This time line includes trips, house projects, adventures and many other activities. But right now me and my time line are in limbo.

 I applied for tech school and am waiting to hear back from them. We asked for information on kids and we are waiting to hear back from them. Jeff's job might move him out of state for a while and we are waiting to hear about that. All this waiting and I can't make any plans.

I can't plan on knowing that if in 4 months I will start school with Jeff and a possible kid or completely by myself. I can't plan on if I need to look at daycare or early education assistance from Raytown or if I should just focus on my classes now.
I have no idea how this will all work out or what my family will look like in four months and it drives me nuts.  This post might seem scattered because that's how my head feels, scrambled, scattered and anxious.  I've been trying to focus on others to not get so caught up in this scrambledness but I am like my mother in this way where I tend to let my emotions rule.  Pray for me. Pray for Jeff as he figures out how to love me through this.  

Holidays

Well, we are done with our Spaulding class on Tuesday and that means that we are done the final training leg of being parents right before the holiday season sets in. The holidays are hard for me not having my dad around.  The holidays were hard for Dad too.  His mom passed away from colon cancer when he was 14.  So like father like daughter I guess. I know that Dad would have been a great resource, support, and person to talk to about parenting issues.  He would have been a great listener and I know he would understand the hardships of being a parent (I wasn't always this easy to get a long with :-))It makes me sad to think that he won't be able to be a part of our new chapter with our kiddo.  But also, on the other hand, I have an amazing step mom and mom mom that are both kind, caring and have their own stories of raising what some might call difficult children. I know that my kid will be loved, treasured, and spoiled by all of his grandparents.  I just wish Dad could be one of them. I feel blessed that my family is so great.  Dad left behind a treasure trove of people.  Miss you dad like crazy.   Remember to make the most of the time you have with the people you love.  They are here one day and gone the next.  Love you all
~laura

living better

as i have said before this new job has taken away a lot of the previous stress i felt as a social worker and with that I have been making a lot of changes at our house.  Good, simple changes that make me feel like I am getting our world better for  whatever kiddo comes our way.  Simple things like recycling, composting (for our future pumpkin patch, more on that later), re-using things, eating better (trying, don't ask about today's cinnamon rolls) and living simpler.  One new thing that I am trying with Erin is yoga! Another way to be healthy, be simple, and to feel better.  We got a living social deal where we get an unlimited month of classes for 30 dollars.  My goal is to use this deal at least 15 times in order to get the most out of it.  Also, that will give me ample opportunity to learn yoga and to decide if yoga is a good cross training way for me to keep active on days I can't or won't run.  So I am challenging myself to stick with it for a month and then we will see if I want more or have had enough yoga-ing for a while.  I hope I love it. Then I have easy gift ideas. You all can buy me classes! : ) Anyways, another thing I did today to prepare our home for our kid is I worked on our Emergency Kit.  The state requires that each home that has foster/adopt license has an emergency kit that it is full of things you might need in an emergency. So I gathered phone numbers, filled out the forms, and bought the most random assortment of goods from Ace Hardware today.  I still need to find a battery radio, canned food for the GF one and myself and make copies of our important paperwork that shows health insurance and other boring info.
When I was going through the check out line with duck tape, plastic sheeting, flash light, batteries, water, and those dust masks I sort of felt like I was preparing for y2k again. Nah, who am I kidding? I was 15 when y2k happened. I was not aware that the world was going to end, I was just excited to stay up late and eat snack food with my friends all night!

Well, that's all for now. I will catch you all up later!
Love Laura

Trainings

Man trainings are exhausting.  I wish we could skip the whole process but bit by bit we are moving forward.  One small step bit by bit.  We have another large training in November and then maybe we will be closer?  Hope so. 

The new job is awesome.  I feel so relaxed and at rest. Its such a nice feeling.  We are doing well.

One year a life time to go

So I just passed the one year mark of Dad dying and well I am doing better than expected.  Some people said you never feel the same. Well, I feel good and I know that its because my dad raised me in a way where I never had to doubt his unfailing support and love. Dad was always encouraging me to be adventurous and to chase my dreams and I feel that even with him gone (that still feels strange to say) I can still feel his encouragement and his guidance.  Dad left behind 2 strong willed individual daughters and we can and will move on with our lives.  Dad would want me too.  My dad loved his life (hated his job, that's why I know he would want me to work in something I would love).  He enjoyed laughing, his hobbies, and spending time relaxing.  I take after dad that way, with the strange humor, the laughing and doing fun things I enjoy like soccer, working with muttface, and being with people (I love people, even though I am awkward at first).  Dad taught me to spend quality time on the things or people you care about. He taught me how to make things and relationships last by paying attention, doing more proactive things, and by  spending time with the person or thing.  My dad was kind, caring, and hilarious.  He found pure joy in embarrassing us girls but we eventually grew to love it and now I miss it.  He would fart loudly in an aisle in the store and then say "laura marie..." I would squeal at him and leave the scene. 

All of that rambling, ugh sorry about that. I will end it with this, I love my dad and I miss him everyday. I want to raise strong self confident individuals that even when I am gone they can keep going.  Love you dad

Vacation in Portland

We love this city.  Portland has a ton of things to offer to it's residents and guests.  We ate like Gluten Free kings all week.  Our favorites were Sellwood Pizza Kitchen and Pastini Pasteria.  Both had extensive gluten free menus & everything was tasty. 

This trip came right at the 1 year mark for me living sans papa bear and I have learned that no matter how long you have with someone is never long enough and that my dad still influences my day.  Everything he taught me, every little habit he had, certain smells, all of it daily makes me think of him and who he was.  It also makes me want to live to be the daughter he can be proud of.  Portland was great that I was able to celebrate Dad's life in small ways.  For example, we went to a classic car show,  that's totally a dad thing.  I ate steamers at a seafood cafe and the last time I did that was years ago when I was little with Dad. Portland had so many good dads playing in the fountians or on the play ground with their kids it made me remember how my dad always ended up doing kid things with us.  He never grew too old to play or have fun with us.  Jeff and I can't wait to be those parents that take the different ways we were raised and have our own family. 

I am so thankful that I got to talk to my dad about this adoption thing.  I am thankful to know that he was proud. Encouraging. Supportive. 

Can't believe it's been a year already.

One step closer

Some thing I've learned while being and doing social work is that these kiddos have been through hell alread. The kids in foster care need 3 simple things: structure, routine, and love.  They need parents that are pesent, reliable, and able to care for them at their best and worst.  One step that jeff and I are working on is making our lives structured and simple.  For me that meant checking myself and making sure that I can handle my own stuff and handle the kids stuff.  One way that I am simplifying and re-structuring myself is by leaving the world of social work for a while.  I need some space from my foster parents, my kiddos and my job.  I need space for my life and my world to calm down. So I quit. I found a job as a receptionist at an animal clinic in town.  This is the first step in pursuing a job that is still satisfying but that leaves emotional and physical room for me to be present in my life at home.  Lately my case management job wasn't allowing me to be me at home. I wasn't getting breaks from work and I wasn't feeling rested or at rest at any time. This job happened just like most things do in my life.  It happened thru godly timing and connections that can't be explained.  I called my good od uncle stan to ask him for some wisdom and his words of advice were to slow down and enjoy life.  This job will let me do that. And if I get tired of my clients I can put them in their kennel and walk away : ).  Anyways, all of that to say that God remains good and he gives me ways to find peace so I can become the woman of faith I want to be. 

Waiting game

I know it's been forever since we have written anything on this blog.  There haven't been any updates.  We finished the main class and have been waiting for the Spaulding class to open up. Well, one unclear conversation and we are signed up for the class in November.  

It is really hard for me to have to wait for anything. Jeff is much more patient than I am.  That's why I love netflix,  there is no waiting.  You want the next episodeand BAM it's on.  I love that Jeff is good at waiting and slow to make a decision, I wish I was more comfortable with that. 

I want to met our son, start school with him, introduce him to our world, and start sharing this crazy love that I have for my family [Jeff and Abby] with this little guy.  But I have to wait and I have to be ok with waiting. 

Wish me luck~

O my goodness

At church this past week they talked about Mother's and Ryan, our pastor, read this poem that talked about all types of mothers, including adoptive.  It made me excited to be a part of some kiddo's life.  But as Jeff and I talked about this whole adoption process we feel that we are in the second part of three in finding our kid.  The first part was signing up, taking the classes, and getting the home study done.  Now, the second part, is searching, searching, searching.

This is what makes domestic adoption out of foster care so unique.  We have to search through each state's kids that are available for adoption and find ours.  It's so heart breaking to see all of the children with special needs, with sibling groups, with other issues that we don't know if we could handle.  Last night I saw a family of 8 kids up for adoption.  Could you imagine adopting 8 children at once? Having to help each child adjust to you and your husband while you learn how to adjust to them?  Oh my goodness. We are trying to search a little each night. But it seems impossible.  We sit at the computer, read through a 2 paragraph bio of this kid that has gone through hell and back and then what?  Are we supposed to be drawn to the picture?  Is there supposed to be an instant connection after reading the bio that we feel "This is the one"?  Do we say we are interested in a bunch of different kids and then move from there?

I feel completely lost on what to do next.  I look at the kids and seven out of ten of them I think "Maybe he's ours, or him or maybe that one".  I guess we just push the button that says we are interested and see what happens next.  This part of the process could be long, unending, overwhelming, and have many twists and turns in it.  Be patient with us. Be prayerful with us.