Shopping and more

Our worker told us to start getting a collection of clothes for the kiddos. We headed off to the store to find some cheap outfits to get the kids through the first couple of days while they are with us until we can go shopping to get more outfits.

Shopping for little ones is hard. Add in that we don't know them, their sizes, what they like, what colors they don't like...that's a lot of pressure. We will be able to take children from the age of 0-10 years old. So that's a ton of different sizes and I don't know how big a 5 year old is. We ended up getting some starter outfits from itty bitty baby sizes all the way through outfits that might fit a seven or eight year old.

Looking at the outfits and trying to imagine the little people that will fit into them blows my mind. I can't believe that God is leading us down this path and that later this year there could be a little guy running/crawling/hanging out with us in these little outfits that we picked out today.

When I think about adoption my heart feels good. I konw

One more class

Sorry it's been slow posting.  We have one more class with our STARS group and then we are done.  We have two more meetings with our social worker and then she writes up our home study and we can start finding our kids.

Everything is going really well.  We both have been background checked, finger printed, and referenced three times over.  We just need health assessments, to finish our child profile and to have our house licensed.

The thing I am nervous about is how/what will Abby do with kids?  She seems interested in them but we haven't had a whole lot of exposure with them.  When we go on walks I will stop and let her watch the neighbor kids play, scream, and chase each other. One time we were walking past a yard and Abby let out a growl. There were no kids around but a snowman.  I think he creeped her out.  Abby growled at the snowman. She did get close with me to inspect it but from the street she did not like it.

I think the biggest thing will be supervision and making adjustments as needed.   Anyone with helpful hints would be greatly appreciated.

Also, we are going to start gathering things that we may need for when the kids come to our house.  We need to go buy two new twin mattresses, a baby monitor and to change out door knobs in our house.  Some of our doors only open from the outside.  Our friend Jason found that out while we were playing a game and he was shut into a closet for the whole game.

So a couple small adjustments to the house and we will be good to go.   Thanks for all the support.  Leave us questions, comments, and love~

Grief and Loss

Last night in class we went over grief and loss management.  We learned that we have to be the loss managers for these little guys.  We need to help them handle their emotions, deal with their losses and learn how to carry on. I feel like I could use a loss manager myself sometimes.

In one year I've lost three close people to me and through those losses I learn more about myself and about God.  I've lost grandma Betty, my dad and most recently my friend and boss Denise.  These losses are all different in their own way, expected, unexpected, ready to let go, didn't think it could happen, and not quite ready to let go. But through all of this I know that God is good. I don't know what that means but I know that to be truth.

When Grandma Betty passed away it was a relief of sorts. We had dealt with early Alzheimer's and the sadness of her forgetting who we were.  It was good for God to give us the peace of knowing that Betty lived a good life and a life for God.

When Dad died... I still am not sure how or why but I survived thanks to the support I have in my family and friends

With Denise, cancer sucks. It's not fair for a husband to lose his wife to cancer after twenty some odd years of devoted marriage to each other. It's not fair for an agency to lose a cornerstone to cancer after 25 years of service.  I know that Denise died with dignity.

My conclusion is that everyone suffers lose and grief in the form of death, separation, broken relationships, un-kept promises, infertility, and other ways.  I know that this is not part of THE plan. God did not intend for our world to be full of so much pain and suffering.  I know that, like a good father, He hurts when I hurt. I know that He is good.

I will cling to that. I will follow that and try, like Betty, Dad and Denise, I will try to live my life well.  I will try to love unconditionally, to give openly, to trust God and trust my husband.  I will honor my family, be true to myself, and be free to love and to be loved.  I hope that I can be half of a parent that my dad was.

First Contact

We attended our first STARS class last Tuesday, the first of nine we are required to take to become foster parents. All people who have helped raise us in some way over the past 25 years will be glad to know that at the completion of this class we will be considered 'Professional Parents,' as we are employed by the state and have been trained to parent. Expect this title to follow the signing of our names in any emails, notes or Christmas cards we may (my wife) or may not (me) send your way.

All joking aside, the class was as interesting as the first class could be. Awkward introductions, quirky instructors who asked you to write your name and something you were proud of on our name cards (gag). "Hi, I'm Jeff and I'm proud of my piano playing abilities." Who says that? When coming up with a list of qualities necessary to form a good discussion group (respect, etc.) our instructor mentioned spelling was not her strong suit as she wrote the first item on the board (commitment). For the second item I suggested spelling. I thought this was clever and also hilarious. I think Laura was thinking other things.

There is a wide variety of people in the class of about 11 looking to foster or adopt. All have different reasons. Some already have children and want to adopt more. Some have children and are unable to have more. Others are looking to start a family through adoption. Some are single, and some are couples, both same and opposite sex. Some are young and some are older. Towards the end of the 3-hour session, people were opening up a little bit more. It was encouraging because I think everyone felt a little unsure of what to expect. And everyone realized that we were all in this together. All learning and asking questions and trying to figure this thing out.

Disney Movies

There are a couple of kids that were kicked out school hanging out at the office today.  They are watching the Lion King on VHS.  I am feeling so old right now. That was the movie we watched when we were home sick.  I wonder if our little munchkin will love Disney movies as much as I did as a kid? I wonder if I will embarass them when I sign all the lyrics to every song in every movie?  I wonder if they will want to be Aladdin or Buzz Lightyear for halloween?  I wonder if they will cry in Beauty and the Beast when Beast gets hurt? Maybe they will love Fox and The Hound and that movie will shape their view on friendship and loyalty? 

Wow, how did disney have such a strong hold on my childhood?  Anyway kid, I can't wait to watch movies with you when your sick, or when we have a snow day, or when it's family night or pretty much whenever we want to snuggle up under a homemade quilt.  I have a list started of movies I want to watch you watch. I want to see your face light up in the Lion King when the animals are all meeting Simba for the first time. I want to laugh with you while we watch about other kids being adopted in Dispecible Me. I want to hold your hand when we watch Finding Nemo and you realize that other kids have lost parents too.  I want to watch while you and Daddio re-inact your favor fight scene from Star Wars. I want to watch Transformers with you and tell you about your Grandpa who was in that movie (I promise to tell you tons of stories about Grandpa Joe)  I want to listen while you tell Grandma and Grandpa the stories of how the Muppets took Manhattan or about that one Muppet from Space.

Then when you get older we can watch Life is Beautiful and Jurrassic Park and Lord of the Rings and The Simpsons Movie and the list goes on and on and on.  Dad will make you watch Open Range and Thin Red Line but only when your older and you can actually sit through it. He will talk to you about what you hear and what you see.  He will teach you how to not only watch movies but to listen to them too.

Love you- L

Parenting Class

Part of the process is to take a nine week class. Three hours a week for a total of 27 hours of pre-parenting classes. This is not the "How to" of parenting. We won't go over how to change a diaper or when to go to the doctors but we will be covering more topics that will deal with the emotional well being of the child. Things like Positive reinforcement, building bonded relationships, and dealing with grief and loss will be some of the topics and discussions we will have with other soon to be foster parents. This will be an experience that can help us know where our kiddos are coming from and how to make this transition easier for them and for us. These classes will show us how to utilize our supports and how to survive this thing called parenthood. That starts next week. Some people that I have talked to agree that this class would be helpful for young parents or any parent for that matter. Even though I hated school while I was in it, I am such a learner and I am excited to take this next step. Don't worry I will post any helpful hints that we come across in this class.

Anyway, I feel so blessed by the support and encouragement we have had and continue to get from those around us. People are excited for us and are asking a ton of questions. Keep the questions coming. I want to figure this out too. Much Love!

Meeting Gretchen

Gretchen was the first social worker to enter our house.  She was also the first social worker to be bitten by Abby.  Yup, you read that right. The social worker that was coming to make sure we have a clean, safe, nurturing home was bitten by our dog.  Gretchen was so gracious to us about it.  She told me that she forgot what I had told her on the phone and that it was her own fault. Really, Gretchen, it's not your fault, our dog just has high special needs.  Anyways besides the embarrassing first bite, our meeting with Gretchen went really well.  She asked us why we want to foster to adopt and answered all of our questions.  In a couple of weeks we should be getting training information to start our 9 week parenting class that will hit on some competencies that we should have in order to be the best we can for children in care.

I am so excited. Already God has shown us grace through our encounter with Gretchen. Also, I (Laura) have been taking a trainer's class for the MAPP program (foster parent training class in Kansas) and I have been surrounded for two weeks by people who have done or are doing the same thing of adopting through foster care.  The conversations have been encouraging, truthful, and hopeful.  I feel that God is putting people in our path at the right time.

Gretchen also told us that as soon as our house is licensed and we finish our classes we will be getting calls for placements. She told us that right now there are 140 kids in JACKSON county that are waiting for forever homes.  140 children in our county alone?? That blew my mind to think that there were so many kiddos in Kansas City that were ready to be adopted.  I really hope that someone who reads this blog is encouraged to think about being foster parents.  So many children need the basics and so many parents don't know how to do that.

A cool thing that most states are doing now is a partnership with bio parents instead of a view that all bio parents are bad people. I will write more on that later.
So here we are.  Waiting to start classes and be licensed.

Dear kiddos,
we love you so much. we can't wait to meet you. I know that when you come to our house it will be the worst day of your life. You probably will have been taking out of a familiar place and plunked down in the house full of strangers. You had to leave everything you knew and start over. I am so sorry that we have to meet this way.  Just know that we love you and will give you the space and time you need to feel comfortable and loved.  Love you ~l.

a labor of love

So the big news is.... Adoption!

Dear Husband and I want to start our family and we feel that adoption is the way to start for us. So this blog is a way to keep family, friends, and others who are interested in the process, up to date on the adventure of finding our children.

A labor of love is a title from one of the husband's previous post from a different blog and I thought it fit with this new adventure. I won't be laboring in a physical way that some of my friends have or will do soon, but we will be laboring in this process of finding our children. Our labor is a labor of love. We will be filling out forms, going through classes, getting background checked, having our references called and grilled, praying, and hoping that our kids are safe right now and are waiting for us to find them. All of this to choose our kiddos. We choose them because we love them. Sort of like God choosing us because he loved us.

Below are some common questions that have been asked by others in our lives that you might be asking right now.

1. "L and J, where are you adopting from?"

Well good question, we are adopting domestically and we are going through the state of Missouri to start our process. This means that we will be adopting an American born kiddo that may or may not be the same race as us.

2. "Who are you wanting to adopt?"

When we talk about our family the vision in both our heads has been one full of boys. We feel like boys are on our hearts and that we should search for our son/s. We are open to the idea of adopting sibling sets. Sibling sets are the hardest to adopt because most people want to adopt one at a time. We think that it would be awesome if God had a set of brothers that were waiting on us. God has the details we just have ideas.

3. "Why adoption?"

There will probably be many posts about this very question of why adoption. For us we have the luxury of choosing adoption. This isn't a last attempt to create a family. It's not that we can't get pregnant or that we have some physical issue that keeps us from creating our own. For us, it's a choice. It means we choose to love a child. It means we choose to have our family look like this. We choose to take in a child, who has weathered more than you and I, and we choose to raise this child. To love this child. To provide, to encourage, to guide, to spoil, to teach soccer to, to watch them grow, to introduce them to grandmas and Mimi's and aunts and uncles. To bring them into a family that loves them for who they are. To show them support that never ends. Adoption for us is a choice.

So that's our news. Keep checking back to see how our labor of love is going.

That's all for now!