Holidays

Well, we are done with our Spaulding class on Tuesday and that means that we are done the final training leg of being parents right before the holiday season sets in. The holidays are hard for me not having my dad around.  The holidays were hard for Dad too.  His mom passed away from colon cancer when he was 14.  So like father like daughter I guess. I know that Dad would have been a great resource, support, and person to talk to about parenting issues.  He would have been a great listener and I know he would understand the hardships of being a parent (I wasn't always this easy to get a long with :-))It makes me sad to think that he won't be able to be a part of our new chapter with our kiddo.  But also, on the other hand, I have an amazing step mom and mom mom that are both kind, caring and have their own stories of raising what some might call difficult children. I know that my kid will be loved, treasured, and spoiled by all of his grandparents.  I just wish Dad could be one of them. I feel blessed that my family is so great.  Dad left behind a treasure trove of people.  Miss you dad like crazy.   Remember to make the most of the time you have with the people you love.  They are here one day and gone the next.  Love you all
~laura

living better

as i have said before this new job has taken away a lot of the previous stress i felt as a social worker and with that I have been making a lot of changes at our house.  Good, simple changes that make me feel like I am getting our world better for  whatever kiddo comes our way.  Simple things like recycling, composting (for our future pumpkin patch, more on that later), re-using things, eating better (trying, don't ask about today's cinnamon rolls) and living simpler.  One new thing that I am trying with Erin is yoga! Another way to be healthy, be simple, and to feel better.  We got a living social deal where we get an unlimited month of classes for 30 dollars.  My goal is to use this deal at least 15 times in order to get the most out of it.  Also, that will give me ample opportunity to learn yoga and to decide if yoga is a good cross training way for me to keep active on days I can't or won't run.  So I am challenging myself to stick with it for a month and then we will see if I want more or have had enough yoga-ing for a while.  I hope I love it. Then I have easy gift ideas. You all can buy me classes! : ) Anyways, another thing I did today to prepare our home for our kid is I worked on our Emergency Kit.  The state requires that each home that has foster/adopt license has an emergency kit that it is full of things you might need in an emergency. So I gathered phone numbers, filled out the forms, and bought the most random assortment of goods from Ace Hardware today.  I still need to find a battery radio, canned food for the GF one and myself and make copies of our important paperwork that shows health insurance and other boring info.
When I was going through the check out line with duck tape, plastic sheeting, flash light, batteries, water, and those dust masks I sort of felt like I was preparing for y2k again. Nah, who am I kidding? I was 15 when y2k happened. I was not aware that the world was going to end, I was just excited to stay up late and eat snack food with my friends all night!

Well, that's all for now. I will catch you all up later!
Love Laura

Trainings

Man trainings are exhausting.  I wish we could skip the whole process but bit by bit we are moving forward.  One small step bit by bit.  We have another large training in November and then maybe we will be closer?  Hope so. 

The new job is awesome.  I feel so relaxed and at rest. Its such a nice feeling.  We are doing well.

One year a life time to go

So I just passed the one year mark of Dad dying and well I am doing better than expected.  Some people said you never feel the same. Well, I feel good and I know that its because my dad raised me in a way where I never had to doubt his unfailing support and love. Dad was always encouraging me to be adventurous and to chase my dreams and I feel that even with him gone (that still feels strange to say) I can still feel his encouragement and his guidance.  Dad left behind 2 strong willed individual daughters and we can and will move on with our lives.  Dad would want me too.  My dad loved his life (hated his job, that's why I know he would want me to work in something I would love).  He enjoyed laughing, his hobbies, and spending time relaxing.  I take after dad that way, with the strange humor, the laughing and doing fun things I enjoy like soccer, working with muttface, and being with people (I love people, even though I am awkward at first).  Dad taught me to spend quality time on the things or people you care about. He taught me how to make things and relationships last by paying attention, doing more proactive things, and by  spending time with the person or thing.  My dad was kind, caring, and hilarious.  He found pure joy in embarrassing us girls but we eventually grew to love it and now I miss it.  He would fart loudly in an aisle in the store and then say "laura marie..." I would squeal at him and leave the scene. 

All of that rambling, ugh sorry about that. I will end it with this, I love my dad and I miss him everyday. I want to raise strong self confident individuals that even when I am gone they can keep going.  Love you dad

Vacation in Portland

We love this city.  Portland has a ton of things to offer to it's residents and guests.  We ate like Gluten Free kings all week.  Our favorites were Sellwood Pizza Kitchen and Pastini Pasteria.  Both had extensive gluten free menus & everything was tasty. 

This trip came right at the 1 year mark for me living sans papa bear and I have learned that no matter how long you have with someone is never long enough and that my dad still influences my day.  Everything he taught me, every little habit he had, certain smells, all of it daily makes me think of him and who he was.  It also makes me want to live to be the daughter he can be proud of.  Portland was great that I was able to celebrate Dad's life in small ways.  For example, we went to a classic car show,  that's totally a dad thing.  I ate steamers at a seafood cafe and the last time I did that was years ago when I was little with Dad. Portland had so many good dads playing in the fountians or on the play ground with their kids it made me remember how my dad always ended up doing kid things with us.  He never grew too old to play or have fun with us.  Jeff and I can't wait to be those parents that take the different ways we were raised and have our own family. 

I am so thankful that I got to talk to my dad about this adoption thing.  I am thankful to know that he was proud. Encouraging. Supportive. 

Can't believe it's been a year already.

One step closer

Some thing I've learned while being and doing social work is that these kiddos have been through hell alread. The kids in foster care need 3 simple things: structure, routine, and love.  They need parents that are pesent, reliable, and able to care for them at their best and worst.  One step that jeff and I are working on is making our lives structured and simple.  For me that meant checking myself and making sure that I can handle my own stuff and handle the kids stuff.  One way that I am simplifying and re-structuring myself is by leaving the world of social work for a while.  I need some space from my foster parents, my kiddos and my job.  I need space for my life and my world to calm down. So I quit. I found a job as a receptionist at an animal clinic in town.  This is the first step in pursuing a job that is still satisfying but that leaves emotional and physical room for me to be present in my life at home.  Lately my case management job wasn't allowing me to be me at home. I wasn't getting breaks from work and I wasn't feeling rested or at rest at any time. This job happened just like most things do in my life.  It happened thru godly timing and connections that can't be explained.  I called my good od uncle stan to ask him for some wisdom and his words of advice were to slow down and enjoy life.  This job will let me do that. And if I get tired of my clients I can put them in their kennel and walk away : ).  Anyways, all of that to say that God remains good and he gives me ways to find peace so I can become the woman of faith I want to be. 

Waiting game

I know it's been forever since we have written anything on this blog.  There haven't been any updates.  We finished the main class and have been waiting for the Spaulding class to open up. Well, one unclear conversation and we are signed up for the class in November.  

It is really hard for me to have to wait for anything. Jeff is much more patient than I am.  That's why I love netflix,  there is no waiting.  You want the next episodeand BAM it's on.  I love that Jeff is good at waiting and slow to make a decision, I wish I was more comfortable with that. 

I want to met our son, start school with him, introduce him to our world, and start sharing this crazy love that I have for my family [Jeff and Abby] with this little guy.  But I have to wait and I have to be ok with waiting. 

Wish me luck~

O my goodness

At church this past week they talked about Mother's and Ryan, our pastor, read this poem that talked about all types of mothers, including adoptive.  It made me excited to be a part of some kiddo's life.  But as Jeff and I talked about this whole adoption process we feel that we are in the second part of three in finding our kid.  The first part was signing up, taking the classes, and getting the home study done.  Now, the second part, is searching, searching, searching.

This is what makes domestic adoption out of foster care so unique.  We have to search through each state's kids that are available for adoption and find ours.  It's so heart breaking to see all of the children with special needs, with sibling groups, with other issues that we don't know if we could handle.  Last night I saw a family of 8 kids up for adoption.  Could you imagine adopting 8 children at once? Having to help each child adjust to you and your husband while you learn how to adjust to them?  Oh my goodness. We are trying to search a little each night. But it seems impossible.  We sit at the computer, read through a 2 paragraph bio of this kid that has gone through hell and back and then what?  Are we supposed to be drawn to the picture?  Is there supposed to be an instant connection after reading the bio that we feel "This is the one"?  Do we say we are interested in a bunch of different kids and then move from there?

I feel completely lost on what to do next.  I look at the kids and seven out of ten of them I think "Maybe he's ours, or him or maybe that one".  I guess we just push the button that says we are interested and see what happens next.  This part of the process could be long, unending, overwhelming, and have many twists and turns in it.  Be patient with us. Be prayerful with us.

Shopping and more

Our worker told us to start getting a collection of clothes for the kiddos. We headed off to the store to find some cheap outfits to get the kids through the first couple of days while they are with us until we can go shopping to get more outfits.

Shopping for little ones is hard. Add in that we don't know them, their sizes, what they like, what colors they don't like...that's a lot of pressure. We will be able to take children from the age of 0-10 years old. So that's a ton of different sizes and I don't know how big a 5 year old is. We ended up getting some starter outfits from itty bitty baby sizes all the way through outfits that might fit a seven or eight year old.

Looking at the outfits and trying to imagine the little people that will fit into them blows my mind. I can't believe that God is leading us down this path and that later this year there could be a little guy running/crawling/hanging out with us in these little outfits that we picked out today.

When I think about adoption my heart feels good. I konw

One more class

Sorry it's been slow posting.  We have one more class with our STARS group and then we are done.  We have two more meetings with our social worker and then she writes up our home study and we can start finding our kids.

Everything is going really well.  We both have been background checked, finger printed, and referenced three times over.  We just need health assessments, to finish our child profile and to have our house licensed.

The thing I am nervous about is how/what will Abby do with kids?  She seems interested in them but we haven't had a whole lot of exposure with them.  When we go on walks I will stop and let her watch the neighbor kids play, scream, and chase each other. One time we were walking past a yard and Abby let out a growl. There were no kids around but a snowman.  I think he creeped her out.  Abby growled at the snowman. She did get close with me to inspect it but from the street she did not like it.

I think the biggest thing will be supervision and making adjustments as needed.   Anyone with helpful hints would be greatly appreciated.

Also, we are going to start gathering things that we may need for when the kids come to our house.  We need to go buy two new twin mattresses, a baby monitor and to change out door knobs in our house.  Some of our doors only open from the outside.  Our friend Jason found that out while we were playing a game and he was shut into a closet for the whole game.

So a couple small adjustments to the house and we will be good to go.   Thanks for all the support.  Leave us questions, comments, and love~

Grief and Loss

Last night in class we went over grief and loss management.  We learned that we have to be the loss managers for these little guys.  We need to help them handle their emotions, deal with their losses and learn how to carry on. I feel like I could use a loss manager myself sometimes.

In one year I've lost three close people to me and through those losses I learn more about myself and about God.  I've lost grandma Betty, my dad and most recently my friend and boss Denise.  These losses are all different in their own way, expected, unexpected, ready to let go, didn't think it could happen, and not quite ready to let go. But through all of this I know that God is good. I don't know what that means but I know that to be truth.

When Grandma Betty passed away it was a relief of sorts. We had dealt with early Alzheimer's and the sadness of her forgetting who we were.  It was good for God to give us the peace of knowing that Betty lived a good life and a life for God.

When Dad died... I still am not sure how or why but I survived thanks to the support I have in my family and friends

With Denise, cancer sucks. It's not fair for a husband to lose his wife to cancer after twenty some odd years of devoted marriage to each other. It's not fair for an agency to lose a cornerstone to cancer after 25 years of service.  I know that Denise died with dignity.

My conclusion is that everyone suffers lose and grief in the form of death, separation, broken relationships, un-kept promises, infertility, and other ways.  I know that this is not part of THE plan. God did not intend for our world to be full of so much pain and suffering.  I know that, like a good father, He hurts when I hurt. I know that He is good.

I will cling to that. I will follow that and try, like Betty, Dad and Denise, I will try to live my life well.  I will try to love unconditionally, to give openly, to trust God and trust my husband.  I will honor my family, be true to myself, and be free to love and to be loved.  I hope that I can be half of a parent that my dad was.

First Contact

We attended our first STARS class last Tuesday, the first of nine we are required to take to become foster parents. All people who have helped raise us in some way over the past 25 years will be glad to know that at the completion of this class we will be considered 'Professional Parents,' as we are employed by the state and have been trained to parent. Expect this title to follow the signing of our names in any emails, notes or Christmas cards we may (my wife) or may not (me) send your way.

All joking aside, the class was as interesting as the first class could be. Awkward introductions, quirky instructors who asked you to write your name and something you were proud of on our name cards (gag). "Hi, I'm Jeff and I'm proud of my piano playing abilities." Who says that? When coming up with a list of qualities necessary to form a good discussion group (respect, etc.) our instructor mentioned spelling was not her strong suit as she wrote the first item on the board (commitment). For the second item I suggested spelling. I thought this was clever and also hilarious. I think Laura was thinking other things.

There is a wide variety of people in the class of about 11 looking to foster or adopt. All have different reasons. Some already have children and want to adopt more. Some have children and are unable to have more. Others are looking to start a family through adoption. Some are single, and some are couples, both same and opposite sex. Some are young and some are older. Towards the end of the 3-hour session, people were opening up a little bit more. It was encouraging because I think everyone felt a little unsure of what to expect. And everyone realized that we were all in this together. All learning and asking questions and trying to figure this thing out.

Disney Movies

There are a couple of kids that were kicked out school hanging out at the office today.  They are watching the Lion King on VHS.  I am feeling so old right now. That was the movie we watched when we were home sick.  I wonder if our little munchkin will love Disney movies as much as I did as a kid? I wonder if I will embarass them when I sign all the lyrics to every song in every movie?  I wonder if they will want to be Aladdin or Buzz Lightyear for halloween?  I wonder if they will cry in Beauty and the Beast when Beast gets hurt? Maybe they will love Fox and The Hound and that movie will shape their view on friendship and loyalty? 

Wow, how did disney have such a strong hold on my childhood?  Anyway kid, I can't wait to watch movies with you when your sick, or when we have a snow day, or when it's family night or pretty much whenever we want to snuggle up under a homemade quilt.  I have a list started of movies I want to watch you watch. I want to see your face light up in the Lion King when the animals are all meeting Simba for the first time. I want to laugh with you while we watch about other kids being adopted in Dispecible Me. I want to hold your hand when we watch Finding Nemo and you realize that other kids have lost parents too.  I want to watch while you and Daddio re-inact your favor fight scene from Star Wars. I want to watch Transformers with you and tell you about your Grandpa who was in that movie (I promise to tell you tons of stories about Grandpa Joe)  I want to listen while you tell Grandma and Grandpa the stories of how the Muppets took Manhattan or about that one Muppet from Space.

Then when you get older we can watch Life is Beautiful and Jurrassic Park and Lord of the Rings and The Simpsons Movie and the list goes on and on and on.  Dad will make you watch Open Range and Thin Red Line but only when your older and you can actually sit through it. He will talk to you about what you hear and what you see.  He will teach you how to not only watch movies but to listen to them too.

Love you- L

Parenting Class

Part of the process is to take a nine week class. Three hours a week for a total of 27 hours of pre-parenting classes. This is not the "How to" of parenting. We won't go over how to change a diaper or when to go to the doctors but we will be covering more topics that will deal with the emotional well being of the child. Things like Positive reinforcement, building bonded relationships, and dealing with grief and loss will be some of the topics and discussions we will have with other soon to be foster parents. This will be an experience that can help us know where our kiddos are coming from and how to make this transition easier for them and for us. These classes will show us how to utilize our supports and how to survive this thing called parenthood. That starts next week. Some people that I have talked to agree that this class would be helpful for young parents or any parent for that matter. Even though I hated school while I was in it, I am such a learner and I am excited to take this next step. Don't worry I will post any helpful hints that we come across in this class.

Anyway, I feel so blessed by the support and encouragement we have had and continue to get from those around us. People are excited for us and are asking a ton of questions. Keep the questions coming. I want to figure this out too. Much Love!

Meeting Gretchen

Gretchen was the first social worker to enter our house.  She was also the first social worker to be bitten by Abby.  Yup, you read that right. The social worker that was coming to make sure we have a clean, safe, nurturing home was bitten by our dog.  Gretchen was so gracious to us about it.  She told me that she forgot what I had told her on the phone and that it was her own fault. Really, Gretchen, it's not your fault, our dog just has high special needs.  Anyways besides the embarrassing first bite, our meeting with Gretchen went really well.  She asked us why we want to foster to adopt and answered all of our questions.  In a couple of weeks we should be getting training information to start our 9 week parenting class that will hit on some competencies that we should have in order to be the best we can for children in care.

I am so excited. Already God has shown us grace through our encounter with Gretchen. Also, I (Laura) have been taking a trainer's class for the MAPP program (foster parent training class in Kansas) and I have been surrounded for two weeks by people who have done or are doing the same thing of adopting through foster care.  The conversations have been encouraging, truthful, and hopeful.  I feel that God is putting people in our path at the right time.

Gretchen also told us that as soon as our house is licensed and we finish our classes we will be getting calls for placements. She told us that right now there are 140 kids in JACKSON county that are waiting for forever homes.  140 children in our county alone?? That blew my mind to think that there were so many kiddos in Kansas City that were ready to be adopted.  I really hope that someone who reads this blog is encouraged to think about being foster parents.  So many children need the basics and so many parents don't know how to do that.

A cool thing that most states are doing now is a partnership with bio parents instead of a view that all bio parents are bad people. I will write more on that later.
So here we are.  Waiting to start classes and be licensed.

Dear kiddos,
we love you so much. we can't wait to meet you. I know that when you come to our house it will be the worst day of your life. You probably will have been taking out of a familiar place and plunked down in the house full of strangers. You had to leave everything you knew and start over. I am so sorry that we have to meet this way.  Just know that we love you and will give you the space and time you need to feel comfortable and loved.  Love you ~l.

a labor of love

So the big news is.... Adoption!

Dear Husband and I want to start our family and we feel that adoption is the way to start for us. So this blog is a way to keep family, friends, and others who are interested in the process, up to date on the adventure of finding our children.

A labor of love is a title from one of the husband's previous post from a different blog and I thought it fit with this new adventure. I won't be laboring in a physical way that some of my friends have or will do soon, but we will be laboring in this process of finding our children. Our labor is a labor of love. We will be filling out forms, going through classes, getting background checked, having our references called and grilled, praying, and hoping that our kids are safe right now and are waiting for us to find them. All of this to choose our kiddos. We choose them because we love them. Sort of like God choosing us because he loved us.

Below are some common questions that have been asked by others in our lives that you might be asking right now.

1. "L and J, where are you adopting from?"

Well good question, we are adopting domestically and we are going through the state of Missouri to start our process. This means that we will be adopting an American born kiddo that may or may not be the same race as us.

2. "Who are you wanting to adopt?"

When we talk about our family the vision in both our heads has been one full of boys. We feel like boys are on our hearts and that we should search for our son/s. We are open to the idea of adopting sibling sets. Sibling sets are the hardest to adopt because most people want to adopt one at a time. We think that it would be awesome if God had a set of brothers that were waiting on us. God has the details we just have ideas.

3. "Why adoption?"

There will probably be many posts about this very question of why adoption. For us we have the luxury of choosing adoption. This isn't a last attempt to create a family. It's not that we can't get pregnant or that we have some physical issue that keeps us from creating our own. For us, it's a choice. It means we choose to love a child. It means we choose to have our family look like this. We choose to take in a child, who has weathered more than you and I, and we choose to raise this child. To love this child. To provide, to encourage, to guide, to spoil, to teach soccer to, to watch them grow, to introduce them to grandmas and Mimi's and aunts and uncles. To bring them into a family that loves them for who they are. To show them support that never ends. Adoption for us is a choice.

So that's our news. Keep checking back to see how our labor of love is going.

That's all for now!